How the hell did I go from speed walker (with long strides) to jogger to walker then walker of death with a stooped shuffling gate with tiny short steps. I call it walker of death because the more I walk or stand the worse my flare up of pain will be.
As stupid as it is, simply walking to my daughter’s classroom tonight has left me in significant uncomfortable pain where no position is bearable. This is my life. The pain can get so intense, it truly feels like the life is being sucked out of me. I feel like I’m dying. Whether literally or figuratively is yet to be determined because, honestly, I truly wonder.
Maybe one day I’ll have relief. One day, I’ll have answers. I know that I need to be strengthening my joints, muscles to support me. Having ME/CFS kind of ruins that. Having severe pain with activity ruins things. I need more pain relief, as I’m left struggling to simply exist, not to make progress..
I miss my life. It’s slowly sucking even my mental facility and ability to process and think as quickly as I use to, out of me. Feeling it being taken away, piece by piece, slowly but progressively and yet no one can tell me why.
My life certainly hasn’t panned out the way I imagined. Redefining my entire future, dreams, hopes, aspirations…. where will this walk of death take me? How can I prepare if I’m simply going off instinct with no previous paths to follow or glean insight from..