My Feelings on BIP.

I do like a little reality TV. The Bachelor franchise is one of them. Who knew? I’ve been watching the show for years. Must be that childhood fantasy of falling in love and my big wedding ideas and all that gushy stuff. I like to see if my emotion reader is on target and if I can pick the right top four. This season of BIP…. I don’t know what the hell happened. Seriously. Here’s my post (pending) to the BIP group on FB, membership of 21,000 fans.

I’m starting to think this show and it’s producers are reminding me of ‘The Purge’ with a mix of ‘Mean Girls.’ A group of grown ass adults playing catty and deciding who’s going to take the fall this season and who’s going to be elevated to fame and most likely all based on their own personal opinions of the cast members. I’ve never seen such bullying set up by a TV show in all my life. Purposeful situations to, not only create drama, but destroy peoples reputations, relationships, and more. How much did these cast members sign up for? Did they know they’d be set up like that? Would they have gone on had they known?

When you read about some of the cast members receiving death threats and hate mail, it’s kind of sobering. ABC knows what they’re doing. It’s like yelling fire in a crowded room and then thinking nothing bad would happen. I thought we were trying to change our world? To rid bullying. To rid hate and intolerance. But yet, here we are glorifying bullying, hate and intolerance. We applaud the double standards and expect special treatment for some. There are rules and then there’s not. We bend it to fit whatever agenda is being applied.

I watched Blake walk into a trap. I watched his face turn white when he realized he was being set up by the producers, his friend, a lie. All for a simple mistake that many of us are guilty of ourselves in some form or fashion. And then applauding similar behavior from those ‘we like.’ Because it fits are narrative. So many examples that I could use this season.

I guess seeing Clay’s ex girlfriend walking down those steps set to destroy another’s relationship, create drama, was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I thought this was a show to watch people fall in love. The fantasy being enacted for all to see. To watch people build that relationship that later leads to a wedding on the show. To see that simple Dream unfolding with all the glitz and glamour, the original reason I watch the show, is slipping away until it’s nothing but a free for all drama fest with fights, bullying, and set ups that truly do destroy lives. That is not ok with me. That’s not what I signed up for.

And yes, I can simply change the channel but I also wanted to talk about this because people are getting hurt. There are too many crazies out there that really are sending death threats and bullying cast members of the show and honestly, I don’t think any of them signed up for that.

So that’s my post. Let’s see if it gets approved and see what kind of response I get.

The Walk of Death

How the hell did I go from speed walker (with long strides) to jogger to walker then walker of death with a stooped shuffling gate with tiny short steps. I call it walker of death because the more I walk or stand the worse my flare up of pain will be.

As stupid as it is, simply walking to my daughter’s classroom tonight has left me in significant uncomfortable pain where no position is bearable. This is my life. The pain can get so intense, it truly feels like the life is being sucked out of me. I feel like I’m dying. Whether literally or figuratively is yet to be determined because, honestly, I truly wonder.

Maybe one day I’ll have relief. One day, I’ll have answers. I know that I need to be strengthening my joints, muscles to support me. Having ME/CFS kind of ruins that. Having severe pain with activity ruins things. I need more pain relief, as I’m left struggling to simply exist, not to make progress..

I miss my life. It’s slowly sucking even my mental facility and ability to process and think as quickly as I use to, out of me. Feeling it being taken away, piece by piece, slowly but progressively and yet no one can tell me why.

My life certainly hasn’t panned out the way I imagined. Redefining my entire future, dreams, hopes, aspirations…. where will this walk of death take me? How can I prepare if I’m simply going off instinct with no previous paths to follow or glean insight from..

The List…

Diagnoses awaiting Genetic Testing suspected:

Hypokelemic periodic paralysis

Ehlers-Danlos (Or other heritable connective tissue disease)

Dystonia

Episodic ataxia (type 2(?))

I am a Zebra. Even when having a full on flare up of Ulcerative Colitis before I was diagnosed, my blood was normal. Full inflammation throughout my body and not one sign of it in my blood. Even my CT scan was completely normal when it shouldn’t have been. I am a Zebra. Inflammation does not show up in my blood. My Rheumatoid factors are completely normal other than a high IgA which I was told, meant nothing.

How does one prove they are ill when their blood is completely normal? So many times I’ve been completely dismissed because of this. Even after explaining that I am a Zebra.

Another very odd quirk is that I have bone inflammation on both femur necks along with bilateral labral tears. Typically, when one has arthritis, the cartilage is damaged. This is seen on xray and arthritis is diagnosed. My cartilage is completely normal. Excellent spacing. And yet my bones are inflamed. I have not one doctor explaining why and what this means. I only know the pain is simply excruciating. My SI joints show degeneration so arthritis is there. Does that explain the bone marrow inflammation in my hips? My hips, often, feel shattered. Completely and utterly shattered, the pain is so intense. And yet, my blood is completely normal. Having Ulcerative colitis, a theory could be seronegative inflammatory arthritis, but only my neck and SI joints are arthritic. No doctor has xrayed my knees in years. They feel like bone on bone in addition to the instability my braces are for.

So I have spent the last several years in so much pain, I’m no longer living but simply existing as my life has been taken from me. My ability to function is gone, except the odd good day that pops up and reminds me of what I’m missing out on. I long for the years I simply battled flare ups and migraines that took chunks of my life each month rather than the day in and day out suffering I deal with now. Though in 2006 and 2007, I spent those two years in a severe POTS flare up with fibro and ME/CFS but not the severe chronic pain like it is now as it was episodic in nature back then.

Waiting on genetic testing is frustrating and time consuming. Even though I’ve waiting 19 plus years wondering what all is going on with me and waiting a few more weeks is really nothing, considering, I just want to know. I just PRAY it’s in my genes so I have confirmation once and for all. I’m 100% that a connective tissue disease is at the root of a lot of my suffering, but not all of them will show up in the genes yet. It’s not heavily researched like other conditions. They’re working on it though.

Dealing with so many systemic illnesses without a definitive diagnosis beyond what I’m diagnosed with make medical care extremely difficult as those conditions are misunderstood and not well taught in medical school. A lot of doctors roll their eyes at the conditions and still think, “It’s all in their heads!” Even though science is showing, it’s physiological.

I’m the Pans positive patient. I never wanted that. The bias in the medical community is mind boggling, even though they are suppose to be taught to squash that bias and do no harm. They are, after all, still ‘practicing’.


Diagnosed Conditions not Visible
:

ME/CFS

Fibromyalgia

Chronic daily headaches

Anxiety


Diagnosed Conditions that are visibly diagnosed
:

Ulcerative Colitis

Interstitial Cystitis with petechia

Migraines

Emphasema

Lung nodules

Brain lesions

GERD with reflux and episodic blood in the stomach

Stricture in esophagus

Bone inflammation in femoral necks bilateral

Bone Marrow inflammation in hip bones

Swollen lymph nodes in groin, upper leg, behind neck (Over one year now)

Enlarged prolapsed uterus

Rectocele- repaired

Hiatal hernia- repaired- now sliding

Appendectomy- necrotic

Gall bladder removed

Aorta at upper limits of normal

Strabismus with excessive floaters and astigmatisms

Tendinitis multiple sites

Kephosis and loradosis “Flat back”

Variable blood pressure with spikes and drops

Tachycardia (POTS) with skipped beats, PVC’s and others

Mitral Valve Prolapse with regurgitation that is progressed

Prior prolapse of other valves with regurgitation self corrected

SI joint that was out of place and pushed back by Physical therapist

Glut muscles that have difficulty activating along with a leg muscle

Repetition fatigue in limbs that is measurable (little exertion)

Joints that are loose

Receding gums with multiple skin grafts that mostly failed

Bicornate uterus and tipped bladder

Short pinky toe

Very narrow wrists can wrap fingers around

Extremely narrow rib cage

Forward tilted hip with one side dropped

Often low potassium, sodium, Vit D, Calcium (once), ferritin

petechia spots on skin

Episodes of bleeding- IV sites, giving birth, spitting blood

Blood clot in umbilical cord (we got lucky)

Both children had very short cords, small placenta and wrapped around neck

Low side of normal bone density in hips

Stretch marks that are excessive for weight and atrophic

Bartholin gland issues- multiple surgeries

Muscle spasms

Fasiculations

Body Twitches

And More….

The Gift of Truth, the empath..

A blessing and a curse (God forbid but it’s not easy to see into a soul of another human being. People don’t like their truth being called out.) I’m no psychic but I can read the emotions of people around me. You ever hear the saying, “I can cut the tension in the room with a knife!” Intense tension of others can be felt by many.  Any emotion expressed with to a high degree can typically be felt by more than just empaths. But as an empath, not only can I feel the intense emotions deep within, but also more subtle  emotions as well; happiness, fear, anxiety, love, disgust, indifference, and lies, among others.  This is my gift.

Unfortunately, it can also hinder relationships. I’m not one to typically beat around the bush, talk in circles, play games, or mess with peoples emotions. I’m pretty open. I can be blunt, very honest and I call it as I see it. I’ve discovered that a large percentage of the people I’ve come in contact with are not quite so comfortable with this honesty. It can turn people off and put a wall up or make others think I’m weird. I get it. I understand. But I also rather be around others more like me. Straight up, to the point, and openly honest.  Maybe the reason why I like certain cast members on my reality TV shows more than others. Jordan, Kendall, Ashley S, Hannah to some degree (even though she still annoys me a lot) and a few others.

I feel bad for my son, who has enough issues of his own to deal with, who also has this gift. He can FEEL the emotions of those around him. He is so darn perceptive and intuitive. I kind of hate that he has to have this gift. Sometimes it’s easier to be oblivious.

I’m going to stop here for now. I’ll add more to this later. Anyone else have this gift? How does it affect your life?

The hypocrisy and double standards of Bachelor Nation

I grew up watching The Bachelor, Bachelorette and the spin off shows, now Bachelor in Paradise. It’s one of the few reality shows I enjoy watching, besides Survivor, my all time favorite show. I love watching the love story unfold, the personalities coming together to compete for the heart of the man or woman lucky enough to be chosen to find their special person. A large part of my interest is that I like to read people. To read the emotions and feelings they’re projecting and picking my four favorites I believe will make it to the end and then to pick the one I think will ultimately win the heart of the contestant. Am I right? Did my analysis come true?

I’m usually very good at the ‘art of reading people.’ Seeing through their persona to who they really are inside. To be able to see through deception and lies and see the truths behind their eyes. I’m no mind reader, but I can read emotions. Some would call that empathic or an empath, if you believe in all that.  So anyway, I really enjoy watching the show and seeing if I’m right, if I made the right picks and if they get together in the end. Did they get their happily ever after?

The show has recently changed. Did they get new producers? It went from keeping it mostly classy to a lot of trashy with scripted ‘characters’ and producer picks to purposefully spin things up and create drama. The show was fine the way it was. I’m not liking this new direction. I’m not the only one to feel that way. Yes, I understand ratings, but it’s going over the top in spinning things up and it’s feeling more like a soap opera then a reality love story. A little drama can be fun. Better them than me, right? But having to purposefully create a villain with scripted drama in every show is really ruining the original intent of the show. Even the spin off show is different, where prior contestants get together and co-mingle, getting a chance to meet the other contestants to see if they might have a chance at finding love. Now, there are hook ups before they even get together and scripted drama once again, to sway the minds of people and add their own political agenda’s into the mix. Creating cue words to be spoken over and over by the various contestants and leaking into our society through all the fans glued to the show.

I also feel it’s creating dividing lines in our nation of viewers. These scripted dramas put out for all to see with political undertones and ideas that not all viewers are ready to deal with or want. It’s one thing to allow the characters to evolve with everyday life put out for all to see, but it’s a whole other feel with ‘forced narration’ when purposefully spun and set up to create these issues and situations for our nation to debate on social media. One thing I am seeing over and over is the double standards that are alive and well in our society. Bullying is real and still alive and kicking. I also see hypocrisy.

A person’s reputation can be made or broken on this show.  These are real people with real lives and I think sometimes the fans forget about this. The cattiness is real. The pain is real for those who’s reputations are put on the line due to backstabbing and manipulation, lies and ‘drama’. I lost respect for the show, the producers, and several of the cast members after watching this season’s Bachelor in Paradise. Like I said, a little drama is fun, but the downright vicious behavior of some of the leads are absolutely disgusting and disgraceful.

It’s no longer about finding love and relationships but about digging up the most dirt and smearing each other on national TV for all to see and a nation of fans to debate and be divided over. A perfect example is Blake. Blake was one of my favorites as a contestant on The Bachelorette. I rooted for him! He’s sweet and likable, different, but endearing. I know sudden fame can easily get to a persons head. Attention, after possibly lacking it in life, can really be uplifting and exciting and provide opportunities that would otherwise, have never happened. I feel this is what happened to Blake. He’s young, single, living the dream with multiple girls interested and vying for his attention.

Being a simple fan, I can only go off of the information provided, using my inner senses to create the story and understand the situation. He dated one of the ladies from the show. He also chatted with other ladies on social media, hooking up with each other at various get togethers, some producer created and others on his own, just like any of the other contestants.  It’s what they do. Living up their moments in the spotlight and getting together for the parties and obligations as they all do. The relationship with the girl I mentioned, didn’t work out. They parted as friends. Friends with occasional benefits. Again, he’s single, his choice. From what I understand, he had his eyes on one of the future contestants of the, then, upcoming Bachelor in Paradise season. Again, I’m reading that he’s not the only one to start chatting with future contestants to see if they might want to hook up on the show. The other girl he was chatting with, who I call C girl, was very interested in Blake. That seems quite clear to all. She apparently wanted a relationship with him and based on the information provided, he didn’t. He did seem very friendly and chatty with her, as is his right.

There was a get together at ‘stage coach’ where many of the contestants attended a country music festival.  His friend with benefits showed up and they took advantage of their time together. As consenting single adults. Both of their choices. But then C-girl wanted to get together with Blake and apparently he said no. Based on the text messages that came out later, C girl wanted a straight ‘hook up’ no strings attached as implied in the conversation revealed on social media. She said, simply sex. He said, ‘That’s what they all say.” She got an uber to his room after he declined. She chose to show up at his room and she chose to ‘coerce’ him into sex.  Yes, he too had that choice. They both were drinking and drinks lower their inhibitions and shit happens sometimes.  Shit definitely happened this time.  His only mistake, from how I see it, is in not being adement about his no. Let’s put the shoes on another’s feet and flip the situation around. Can you imagine the backlash a man would get if he weaseled his way into a girls room and turned her no into a yes for ‘just sex’? The backlash would be atrocious with many thinking he would be taking advantage of her. But this was a female, rather than a male. Woman’s rights and all….

Again, two single drunkenly consenting adults. It happens. He made a mistake and he told her so. It never should have happened, but it did.  A lot of us have been there. We move on. The issue is that C girl went on national TV and purposely created drama with outright lies and viciousness to smear this guys name. Rather than go on the show to find love and focus on herself, she wasted multiple days spreading rumor and lies, stiring up the drama and making Bachelor nation turn against this guy, ruining his reputation for all to see. Remember, these are real people, and fans can be crazy.  As Hannah B stated on the Bachelorette, a comment I agree with, (but not in reference to Blake), she should have simply, “Stayed in her lane!” Instead she drove all over someone else’s lane, creating drama and spite, ultimately making her look like a desperate drama queen who felt like a woman scorned because most likely, she lied again, when she said, “just sex!”

Knowing how women can be, Blake was very right when he said, “That’s what they all say.” Some women are conniving enough to push themselves into the bed in hopes of keeping a man who has no real interest. A lot of us have been there and can relate but to lie on national TV because her plans didn’t work out for her was wrong on so many levels, it left a bad taste in my mouth and a disdain for the producers who ‘set it up’ for her to smear his name and try and ruin his reputation. I personally, applaud him for releasing the text messages. What else is a man to do? We all know that if he simply denied the accusations, no one would have believed him. I know he didn’t want to smear her name but he really was left with little choice if he wanted to get the backlash off of him and his family. I don’t blame him. I would have done the same. This isn’t small town drama, this is big time.

So the divided nation is up in arms over him sleeping with two different girls two nights in a row.  Remember, one was a friend with benefits, knowing he’s free to do as he pleases as he’s still a single man. The other was told no yet showed up at his door in her drunken state in hopes of pushing him into more than he bargained for. And yet, his eyes were on another, in hopes of winning her heart on Bachelor in Paradise. Oh the webs we weave. I just don’t understand how it’s ok to flat our lie to both Blake and to the nation of viewers but it’s not ok to be a single adult, playing the field, openly, while looking for love. Don’t a lot of them hook up off the show? Pot, meet Kettle.

The saddest thing I think I saw during one of the episodes was C girl throwing herself on Cam, only to get a rose, using him and discarding him the moment another man walked down those stairs. Poor Cam. She should have focused on herself and finding love rather than wasting the first few days bashing Blake. All she was left with to chose from was a Cam, knowing she only wanted a rose when he really wanted so much more. Then she went on to say how excited she was to meet Mike and was chosen for that date, which made me cringe. Poor Mike. The moment Dean walked down those stairs, suddenly, she’s all Dean, goodbye Mike, as she tosses aside another man to get her way with someone else. Apparently, their still together if I read that spoiler right. Funny that it happened to be Christina’s ex, since after all, it was Christina who dated Blake and was friends with benefits. It seems to me she may simply like going after her competitions ex’s. She sure did stir the pot on The Bachelor when sharing the spot like with Hannah.

So now Bachelor nation is divided on Blake with hate still spewing out of the mouths of the fans and I’m just disgusted with the whole thing. Fans are angry he was ‘hooking up’ outside the show, again, something that happens with many of them, and yes, of course, mad about the two girls, two nights apart, a mistake he admitted so let him move on from that. And that leads me to Demi. I have a like/dislike view of Demi. There are moments she’s hilarious and fun to watch and other moments she’s the epitome of mean girls. I don’t like that side of her. Demi is bi. No big deal, her choice. She went on the show to find love like the rest of them, right? Apparently, not so right. She has a girlfriend back home while she ‘figures things out’ and all Bachelor Nation can see is, “Awe, she’s coming out on TV.” The political agenda is strong. I don’t care that she’s coming out on TV, good for her, not the problem. I have a problem with the producers knowing she has a lady back home and allowing her on the show anyway, something that’s not suppose to be allowed, and yet the exception is made to drive home a political point, highly scripted and forced rather than allowing love to just happen.  And yet, no one is seeing a double standard here in regards to the girlfriend back home?

Let’s pretend for a moment that we don’t know who were talking about. Girl meets guy, they are super into each other. She spends a week putting all her eggs into one basket, totally digging the guy and giving him hope. He digs her back. After feelings have been developed, she suddenly confesses to having a ‘boyfriend’ back home that she’s still ‘trying to sort out.’ Bachelor nation would be going wild with the hate about now.

Switch it up. Guy meets girl. He spends all his time with this girl who really digs him. They are invested. He then tells her he has to be honest, that there’s a girl back home he’s been seeing and he’s not sure where his heart is….  Again, Bachelor nation would be up in arms, defending this girl and bashing this guy for even going on the show to begin with. You don’t go on the show to figure out if the person back home is right for you or not. You go there to find love with the contestants on the show!  But no, double standards and all that. Just because it’s a girl she has back home, somehow makes this right? To reiterate, I’m not bashing her for being bi. I’m not bashing her for wanting an open with relationship with multiple people.  If they are consenting, it’s their business, not mine. I have a problem with her going on to begin with. For not being straight up to begin with. For the producers creating a political show, purposely staging the drama to further their views, changing the original intent of the show and breaking their own rules to do so. Anyone else would have been outed. But because of the LGBTQ movement and producers wanting the show to go in a more liberal direction rather than letting it happen on it’s own, they allowed the rules to be broken and this double standard to exist. That’s my issue.

Didn’t Demi out a contestant on the Bachelorette recently for having a girl back home? Pot, meet kettle. Didn’t she vigorously ridicule Blake for having sex with more than one woman in a weekend even though he was open and single? Even more vulgar and classless was the comment she made on social media to another contestant who called out the hypocrisy. She involved his wife. We don’t go there. If you have a problem with someone’s free speech and viewpoint, it’s crossing the line to then viciously comment about the person’s family. I completely lost respect for her at this point. I might enjoy her funny banter with Jordan, but I can no longer look at her as a future lead to the show. She might want to work on that anger issue.

And talk about mean girls, another episode that seriously disgusted me was the airing of ‘mean girls’ when Blake injured his foot. To watch three grown ass adults completely ridicule this man and be ‘happy’ he got hurt, is just so wrong on so many levels. How is this cool? How is ok to see someone really hurting and to laugh and think it’s the funniest thing? I guess empathy is being lost in our new generation. I thought bullying was something we’re trying to speak out about and stop.  But no, due to catty women and notorious gossiping and lies, it somehow makes it right to kick a man when he’s down. Yes, let’s applaud that. Let’s glorify it and make it cool again. SMH. And Tayshia, I really liked you. I did. You lost my respect when you joined ‘mean girls’ for that catty bashing fest. I thought you were better than that. I guess I was wrong.

The point of the show is meeting people and finding love. To watch people’s love stories unfold and relationships form. The direction has changed and it’s more about catty drama and scripted set ups that leave a bad taste in my mouth. Seems the producers rather make people look bad, highlight bad behavior, and push the drama when these really are, real lives and reputations at stake. I know these people chose to be on TV and put their lives out there for all to see and judge. And yes, a lot of mistakes are made and people grow from them. Sometimes the attention can get to someone’s head and they get lost in the notoriety and attention from the show. It can happen to any of us. We’re human. But never is it ok to purposely lie on national TV to smear a mans reputation. Never is it ok to purposely mock and make fun of a man, especially while he’s ok. It’s never ok to throw stones when you yourself live in a glass house. How can hypocrisy and double standards exist on this level and not get called out? Or if you do, you get bashed for it. As our world is changing and people are advocating more for acceptance and equality and being treated with respect, we need to lead by example. It’s easier to sway someone with honey than it is with vinegar. We need to take a good hard look at ourselves and reevaluate how we judge another. Switch it up. If the shoes were flipped and it’s ok in reversed roles, then maybe we shouldn’t be bashing so much. If those shoes are on the other feet and that behavior would be atrocious, why justify it and glorify it? People really need to think before they speak. They really need to evaluate a situation before they openly judge and chose a side. Remember, there’s also two sides to every situation and somewhere in the middle, is the truth. Allow both sides to speak before jumping to conclusion. You might end up with egg on your face when you realize, the ‘truth’ wasn’t quite how it was relayed.

Bachelor needs to get back to it’s roots, the new direction isn’t enjoyable anymore. Yes, I can simply turn the channel, but like anyone else, I’ll share my thoughts before I do.

 

 

Living my life through a window’s view..

Hubby made a comment yesterday about one of his work ladies bringing her baby to work. He got to hold and cuddle the little one and he was geeked about it. It stung. I realized I’m starting to feel insecure and jealous and I don’t want to be that person. I’m missing out on even the simple things in life to bring one some happiness. I feel trapped behind these four walls. I see life passing me by and I’m only in my early 40’s. I should be living it up before my 50’s strike. I’ve been ill since my early 20’s with periods of time where I was managing ok but the last, going on 6 years now, have only been a downward sloap with no real periods of remission.

I have so many health issues that they seem to feed off each other, one flaring up the other and making things worse. It’s embarrassing how many conditions affect me. I don’t want to be that person. I am that person. I hate it.  I’ve always wondered deep down if I had never joined the military, if I’d be much healthier today. That was the catalyst. I’m certain of that.  I was pretty healthy before hand and it didn’t take long to start attacking my body, shortly after joining. Was it the vaccines? The abundance of physical activity? Some other kind of exposure? I do know I’m not alone in what I suffer as there are so many veterans going through the same. Maybe we all have a certain genetic disposition that caused us all to express certain genes that might otherwise have remained dormant? I have found that many of us are hypermobile. Many have gone on to be diagnosed with ehlers-danlos or hypermobility syndrome. Is that the link? But not all of them have that.

What we have in common is ME/CFS, fibro, IBS, chronic headaches, and unexplained neurological signs and symptoms. There’s more but that’s what the VA will compensate for. A lot of us also have GERD, other stomach issues, IBD (which they deny the link), migraines, and other problems involving our joints and muscles. Various cancers run higher in veterans as well as MS, parkinsons, ALS, and other problems. I can logically understand arthritis and wearing and tearing of our joints due to all the physical requirements. That makes sense. But what about the rest of it? That’s where things get murky. What do we all have in common? Why do we all suffer so many similarities? Even if the general population were to start having the same health issues at the rate of veterans, we were the first. At least that I’m aware of, so it started with us vets.

So many studies to get to the root of the issue and yet most of that money seemed wasted on studying stress and the human body. Not all of us were put under loads of stress. I guess putting the focus on stress makes it easier to blame the mind that any physical exposures we might all have in common. No government would want to admit to that, but it’s what most of us are thinking.

We will probably never get any real answers. At least not while still walking this earth, or in my case, watching life pass me by out the windows of my home, stuck behind these four walls, and sinking into a funk, wishing myself well again. You can only hold on to hope for so long. As the years pass by, that hope gets heavier and heavier to hold onto. Trying to keep a positive mind frame but when you’re riddled with pain that’s inadequately treated, it has a way of making hope, that much heavier.

The Right to be a “Lady” to which I identify

We’ve come a long way in women’s rights. I’m not a feminist but do agree we should be treated equally as far as being a human being is concerned. We’re still way behind in how we’re treated in the medical community and often fighting to be heard and taken seriously. This is still a huge deficit that needs fixing. So now that we’re making some progress, I was essentially told in a Facebook group that tagging ladies to a post is offensive. Wait what?

I know we have a lot of issues in our world with discrimination and acceptance. We have all kinds of groups standing up and demanding equal respect. I’m all for respect of persons. But what I don’t understand and I don’t think is right, is to tell a lady that she can’t make a post looking for the experiences of other ladies. This might be offensive to those who are transgender or other forms of genders that are carving outa  place in this world.

I’ll admit, I’m extremely confused on all the new labels being put out there but how in the world is calling yourself a lady and asking for the opinions of other ladies, offensive? Why should I have to change my wording to satisfy a group different from my own? I’d never ask another what their gender is to begin with nor would I bash another for adding their own experience to a post. So why should I have to change who I am to satisfy those who seek to be accepted? Wouldn’t that be discriminatory towards me or others like me? I just don’t understand how that makes sense. If you consider yourself a lady, then by all means, share your experience, I certainly won’t be calling you out and asking about your lady bits or lack there of.

I just see so many double standards playing out in our world today. I identify as a lady. I have lady bits. It’s who I am and how I feel. So why would that be offensive? If you are a trans person and changing your gender to be a lady, how is this excluding you? If your changing your gender to be a man, again, how would me identifying as a lady be offensive? If you don’t identify with either one, again, how is me, identifying as a lady be exclusionary to you when we all have our own niches to fit into.

There’s enough hate in our world without adding more hate to it. I understand that trans feel excluded. They feel misunderstood and are fighting for their own rights. I’m not going to debate my viewpoint on that as it’s my own view that I have a right to and your business is not my business. But how would forcing me to change my own understanding of myself and choosing different words for my own identity to make another feel better, be ok, or right? If trans are calling out others for ‘forcing’ them into an identity, then isn’t it the same to force others to identify differently for the sake of making another feel better about themselves? It’s truly confusing and frustrating.

I know I’m not alone in feeling the way I do. I’m not making judgements on another person’s identity. Please don’t judge me for sticking with the identity that feels right to me.  I’m happy to be a lady and happy to continue to fight to be heard as a lady and taken seriously as a lady in the world in which we navigate. You do you. Just let me do me.