A UC Parody of the Song Human… (Not for the sensitive types)

I can hold my breath

Cause It will smell real bad

I can’t hold it in for days

Though that’s what I want

Wish it were number one

I can fake a smile

As I run right out the door

I can squeeze don’t slip a fart

It’s too much to ask

But I’ll give it all I am

 

I can do it

I can do it

I think I blew it

 

But I’m only Human

And I bleed when it comes down

I’m only human

And I run and it slips down

The pain in my gut, afraid to fart

It builds up and then I fall apart

I’m only human

 

I can’t turn if off

Be a poop machine

I can’t hold the weight of it

If that’s what you need

It’s my everything

 

I can’t do it

I can’t do it

I’ll won’t get through it

 

But I’m only human

And I bleed when it comes out

I’m only human

And I run when it slips down

The pain the gut, I’ve got to fart

It builds up and I fall apart

I’m only human

 

I’m only human

I’m only human

Just barely human

 

I can take so much

Until I’ve had enough

 

Cause I’m only human

I bleed when it comes out

I’m only human

I run when it slips down

The pain in my gut, I’ve got to fart

It builds up and then I fall apart

I’m barely human

 

DM 3/12/15 UC stands for Ulcerative Colitis. Much like Crohns, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Thankfully, smoking cigarettes keep me in remission. Bizarre, isn’t it?

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